Miserably happy

Simple happiness this week. I managed to get rid of my old dumb twitter account and also my super innocent blogspot website. Those two had been around the internet for nearly ten years and it felt really nice to find a way to make them gone for good.

Mark Manson said this in his book, happiness comes from solving problems. And this rings true at so many levels. Quoting another part of his book:

To be happy we need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action; it’s an activity, not something that is passively bestowed upon you.

Been around 8 months I took my hijab off after 12 years of wearing it and many people are still against my choice. Even a random friend who refuses to own an instagram account; made the effort to be able to judge me on a daily basis by using her mom’s account only to stalk me. Such a weird world we’re living. What I learned from this experience is that I’m glad I did this. I’m glad I stood firm on my own decision. This move has also naturally filtered the people I need in life. Isn’t that amazing? I’m too old to put up with fake friends anyway.

Today I saw a post from a girl whom I consider as perfect. She has the best family, the best sister, the best place to earn a master degree, a body goal, a pretty face… everything. At least that’s what I’ve been believing these years. But she made a confession.

That she has been-

And is still in-

A heavy battle of dealing with anxiety disorder.

I still have no clue about what her problem is but I can now acknowledge that she is having a hard time grappling with it.

I know you will say this to my face: Everybody is dealing with different hardships not everyone has the knowledge about.

And yes, I get it, it’s not just a mere quote, it for real is the truth which sometimes sounds nonsensical. In my case, every time I feel sad about my insecurities, I look at people who are less fortunate than me. I count the blessings I had in life. I look at people who are still smiling despite their difficult times. And also them who acknowledge their battles, admitting their sad truth they tend to hide before; like the girl I just told you about. They are amazing people.

Besides, I also look up at people who achieved great deals in their lives -and yet still in a constant work of progress on bettering themselves. I’m not trying to compare my sad life to them just to feel miserable about it. Seeing successful people ignite the little fire inside; believing that this girl can also do more. When we focus on doing things that are necessary for either ourselves or the people around us, even better making a difference at a larger scoop in a positive way, we wouldn’t bother think about happiness at all. We’re experiencing it.

P.s. I play pubg these days lol hit me up if any of you would like to play together as a team 😌

Pesan untukku

Seberapa banyak pun aku tau tentangmu, -nya, kalian, mereka; aku tidak tau apa-apa.

Aku tidak tinggal di kepala kalian.

Yang paling bisa kupahami sepenuhnya adalah diriku sendiri. Begitupun kalian.

Tanggung jawab untuk menjadi lebih baik, pun dalam memanusiakan manusia lainnya; ada di tangan masing-masing.

Aku tak peduli dengan pendapatmu atas pilihan-pilihan hidupku.

Yang kutau, kita semua memiliki ketidakberdayaan, kesulitan, kesedihan, dan titik hampa di diri masing-masing; apapun bentuknya.

Tak perlu mendoakanku dapat hidayah. Memahami pilihanku sebagai hal yang negatif adalah persepsimu, bukan -ku.

Tak perlu kecewa atas keputusan yang kuambil. Akulah yang menjalani dan bukan engkau.

Tak perlu merendahkan terlebih menjatuhkan orang lain untuk merasa lebih baik tentang dirimu.

Mengapa tak menggali potensi diri saja lalu mengembangkannya? Merasalah lebih baik atas perkembangan dirimu, itu lebih berkelas.

Kuharap kita semua bisa perlahan membuang tiap keinginan untuk menilai orang lain atas keburukan mereka dalam persepsi kita.

Kuharap kita semua belajar untuk menutup mulut dari perbincangan yang tak bermanfaat.

Yang kupelajari adalah kita bisa menghilangkan kebiasaan buruk dengan berhenti melakukannya. Tak ada cara lain. Akui bahwa kebiasaan buruk tak membuatmu bernilai baik.

Jika aku terdengar menggurui, tak perlu kesal. Karena aku hanya sedang menggurui diri sendiri.